1. Your “I” to “You” ratio is 7:1. If you see a lot of “I”, “we”, “our” and “us” words in your copy it’s a sign your message is too focused on your company and too little on your prospect. Flip the ratio.
2. You’re using too many buzzwords like end-to-end platform, optimized, 360 views, etc. Everyone says that so your message blends in
3. Your preview isn’t enticing.
This is often overlooked because people focus on subject lines. Prospects see your subject line and your first sentence in their inbox. Smartphones show 7 words. Start with words like “noticed”, “read”, “saw”, “your”
4. You’re not focused on a problem.
Solutions have no value without problems.
Example for Descript:
“What podcast hosts hate is editing. Stuff like – removing “ums” and “ahs”, removing dead spots, etc.”
5. You’re asking for time. Slow down there, cowboy. Gauge interest first.
“Do you have 30 minutes on Friday?”
6. You’re talking about what you do, not what prospects can do.
Nope – What You Do
“Descript is an all-in-one video editing platform.”
Yup – What Prospects Can Do
“Descript takes your audio and turns it into text so you can click, drag and cut unwanted bits in seconds instead of hours.”
7. Your email is too long. Can you read your email on your phone without scrolling?
8. You’re generic, not crispy.
“Save time determining payouts.”
“What sucks about determining payments is manual data entry. Stuff like – customizing reports for individual reps + hard-pasting entire Excel pages into Google Sheets/making adjustments, one sheet at a time.”
When you’re specific you’re more believable.