Matthew Kirkpatrick shared a cold email.
Here’s how to cut the fluff without sacrificing the message.
ORIGINAL
“Gary, my recent conversations with Manufacturing CFO’s have been all about the rise in Business Payments Fraud – vendor impersonation and BEC specifically.
We’re helping Plastics Manufacturers tighten up their AP departments with Finance Automation. They no longer have to write checks, manually process invoices or store their vendors’ sensitive banking information – as a result, they are now less vulnerable to fraud attacks.
Did you know, 81% of Manufacturers were targets of fraudsters in 2020?
Better fraud controls. Smarter operations. Less manual workflows. Additional revenue. Zero net cost for you.
Might it be worth a conversation later in Q4? If not, no worries, it’s not for everyone!”
REVISION
“Hey Gary – Manufacturing CFO’s are seeing a rise in Business Payments Fraud (vendor impersonation & BEC). We’re helping plastic manufacturers avoid payment fraud without writing checks, manually processing invoices, or storing bank info. Zero net cost. Opposed to learning how?”
Cutting the fluff is an important skill to master.
Imagine that each word has calories.
If your cold email has too many calories, prospects will have a hard time digesting it.