My mom told me she needed a new computer.
I asked why.
Here’s my mom:
“My computer won’t log into Facebook.”
It turns out my mom didn’t know how to reset her password.
She kept creating new Facebook accounts and thought her computer was broken.
The computer wasn’t the cause of the problem.
My mom’s computer was a scapegoat for her lack of skill.
There’s a good lesson here.
We tend to blame the thing – the computer, your manager, your sneaky coworker for being promoted when it should have been you, your territory – but often, those aren’t the cause of the problem.
Often the cause of the problem is you.
Blaming things you don’t control is a recipe for being angry and pissed off all the time.
What’s the way out?
Recognize when you’re blaming the computer by thinking things like this:
“Why does she always get the best territory?”
“My manager is a real jerk.”
“Sneaky Sue took my job. I should have been promoted.”
The simple act of thinking about your thoughts will turn down the volume.
Then ask yourself.
“What else might be true?”
“What could I do differently?”
When you blame yourself, you focus your attention on things you can control.
Marcus Aurelius says, “Reject your sense of injury, and the injury itself disappears.”
Our default is to play the victim; however, when you blame yourself, the sting dissipates.
Don’t blame “computers,” blame yourself.