Why are some people so rude on LinkedIn?

I wrote a post about letting go of things you don’t control so you can be happier when selling (and in life).

Focusing on the process, not the outcome.

Fishing rather than catching a fish. 

You get the idea.

Here’s a comment I received from Mr. Rude:

“This is what losers say. Winners go fishing to catch fish, not experience the process.”

Everyone has triggers for what makes them react rudely. 

Perhaps this person grew up thinking it was okay to lash out when you disagree. Maybe he witnessed his parents’ being rude. 

The root cause of rudeness doesn’t matter.

As Marcus Arielerus said, a world without angry people isn’t possible. 

Arguing is a net negative every time. Even if you “win,” you hurt the other person’s feelings along the way.

You only control how you react to rude people.

Here’s what I said:

“Sound like you’re a determined guy.”

Christopher Voss calls this labeling.

You put words to the underlying emotion the other person is feeling, so they feel understood.

Labeling gives the other person a chance to elaborate so you can understand their perspective.

It’s about understanding, not arguing.

Here’s Mr. Angry:

“I am an outcome-oriented guy. You can use the process to create outcomes. But a successful organization demands outcomes.”


“Seems like by focusing on a good process you’re able to get a good outcome.

Mr. Angry:

“A good process often results in a good outcome.”

“‘A good process often results in a good outcome.’ Well said. Focus on a good process, and the outcome takes care of itself.”

Rudeness defused.

The takeaway?

Knowing what to say to make people feel heard and understood is a superpower for getting through to anyone in your business or personal life.

Rewire your brain to understand.