Here’s a rewrite of the first two sentences of a cold email I received.
Here’s why it’s better:
1) “Fair bit of research” is generic, so it’s not believable. Version two is more specific or crispy, so it feels genuine.
2) Josh Braun Training is too formal. Conversational writing feels like the message is coming from a human, not a robot.
3) I don’t care about being featured in “media.” I care about what being featured in media will allow me to do that I can’t currently do.